An
Open Letter to
Our Dogs
Super
Shakespearian
Insult and Cuss
Generator...
More of my hunny's
free time. (I
gotta do something
about this! LOL)
Etiquette
for Cats Contributed
by T.S. Bolton
If
Cats Wrote Haiku
Contributed by
T.S. Bolton
Write
Your Own Haiku My
hunny had a little
too much time
on his hands...
Notable
Quotes A bi-weekly
compilation of
the latest outrageous,
sometimes humorous,
quotes in the
liberal media..
Technology
for Country Folk
Jokes Doberman
and the Chihuahua:
Contributed by
Donna Hall
There's a guy
with a Doberman
Pinscher and a
guy with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the
Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy
with a Chihuahua,
"Let's go
over to that restaurant
and get something
to eat."
The guy with the
Chihuahua says,
"We can't
go in there. We've
got dogs with
us." The
guy with the Doberman
Pinscher says,
"Just follow
my lead."
They walk over
to the restaurant,
the guy with the
Doberman Pinscher
puts on a pair
of dark glasses,
and he starts
to walk in. A
guy at the door
says, "Sorry,
Mac, no pets allowed."
The guy with the
Doberman Pinscher
says, "You
don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye
dog." The
guy at the door
says, "A
Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes,
they're using
them now, they're
very good."
The guy at the
door says, "Come
on in." The
guy with the Chihuahua
figures, "What
the hell,"
so he puts on
a pair of dark
glasses and starts
to walk in.
The guy at the
door says, "Sorry,
pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the
Chihuahua says,
"You don't
understand. This
is my seeing-eye
dog." The
guy at the door
says, "A
Chihuahua?"
The guy with the
Chihuahua says,
"You mean
they gave me a
Chihuahua?"
Missing Goat:
Contributed by
Donna Hall
Two guys are
walking through
the woods and
come across this
big hole. "Wow
. . . that looks
deep." "Sure
does . . . toss
a few pebbles
in there and see
how deep it is."
They pick up a
few pebbles and
throw them in
and wait . . .
no noise "Man.
That is REALLY
deep . . . here
. . . throw one
of these great
big rocks down
there. Those should
make a noise."
They pick up a
couple football-sized
rocks and toss
them into the
hole and wait
. . . and wait.
Nothing. They
look at each other
in amazement.
One gets a determined
look on his face
and says, "Hey
. . . over here
in the weeds,
there's a railroad
tie. Help me carry
it over here.
When we toss that
sucker in, it's
GOTTA make some
noise. The two
drag the heavy
tie over to the
hole and heave
it in. Not a sound
comes from the
hole. Suddenly,
out of the nearby
woods, a goat
appears, running
like the wind.
It rushes toward
the two men, then
right past them,
running as fast
as it's legs will
carry it. Suddenly
it leaps in the
air and into the
hole. The two
men are astonished
with what they've
just seen . .
. Then, out of
the woods comes
a farmer who spots
the men and ambles
over. "Hey
. . . you two
guys seen my goat
out here?"
"You bet
we did! Craziest
thing I ever seen!
It came running
like crazy and
just jumped into
this hole!"
"Nah",
say the farmer,
"That couldn't
have been MY goat.
My goat was chained
to a railroad
tie.
A farmer had about
200 hens, when
his old rooster
finally died.
So, he went down
the road to his
neighboring farmer
and asked if he
had a rooster
that he would
be willing to
sell. The other
farmer said, "Yeah,
I've got this
neat rooster,
named Kenny. He'll
service every
hen you got, no
problem."
Well, Kenny the
rooster cost a
lot of money,
but the farmer
decided he'd be
worth it. So,
he bought Kenny.
The farmer took
Kenny home and
set him down in
the barnyard,
first, giving
the rooster a
pep talk, "I
want you to pace
yourself now,
Kenny, you've
got a lot of hens
to service here,
and you cost me
a lot of money.
Consequently,
I'll need you
to do a good job.
So, take your
time and have
some fun,"
the farmer said,
with a chuckle.
Kenny seemed
to understand,
so the farmer
pointed toward
the hen house
and Kenny took
off like a shot.
WHAM!- Kenny nailed
every hen in the
hen house three
or four times,
and the farmer
was really shocked.
After that the
farmer heard a
commotion in the
duck pen, sure
enough, Kenny
was in there.
Later, the farmer
saw Kenny after
a flock of geese,
down by the lake.
Once again -WHAM!
He got all the
geese. By sunset
he saw Kenny out
in the fields
chasing quail
and pheasants.
The farmer was
distraught and
worried that his
expensive rooster
wouldn't even
last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the
farmer awoke the
next morning only
to find Kenny
on his back, feet
in the air, stone
still in the middle
of the yard, vultures
circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened
by the loss of
such a colorful
and expensive
animal, shook
his head and said,
"Oh, Kenny,
I told you to
pace yourself.
I tried to get
you to slow down,
now look what
you've done to
yourself!"
Kenny opened
one eye, nodded
toward the buzzards
circling in the
sky and said,
"Shhh, they're
getting closer."
Contributed by
T.S. Bolton
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